curtains close.

Looking back on my very first post, I believe my understanding of the value of communicating effectively has not changed. I still feel that communication skills are important to get things done, bare your soul and spread the truth. Most importantly, I still concur with my notion that the only way my loved ones can get the best out of me in this short and unpredictable life is through effective communication.

With that being said, I definitely have new ideas about effective communication since embarking on this module; one of which is the fact that communication not only entails speaking, but many other aspects as well. I used to think that the words used to form speech are of the utmost importance in communication, but now, I know otherwise. Words without conviction are merely sounds coming out of one's mouth, which reminds me of a song: "It's only words, and words are all I have ...". The BeeGees are wrong, words are not all they have to express love (I think they know this since they have combined melody with words to invoke emotions in listeners, but indulge me). It is no wonder the girl they are singing to does not “...believe a single word...” they are saying.

This module has opened my eyes to the world of communication, be it in the professional environment or personal environment. The discussions conducted during class sessions the few of the most interesting I've had in all my years of education. They are provocative, challenging, brain-juice churning, and most importantly, issues that are relevant to me.

I thank Brad with the utmost gratitude for letting me experience a mentor-student relationship that is not adhering to the strict and rigid manner that I have experienced the majority of my education life in Singapore. I thank each member of the class for being who they are for the experience would not be the same if anyone were any different. It is through all you people that I’ve gained so much, learning about others and mostly about myself.

May God bless all of you!!

All Ears On Me

I am a member of “The Dark Angels”.

Our mission is to complete a survey report on the implementation of Presence-Activated Lighting Systems and present our important points orally to a specific audience.

*Alright, trying-to-act-like-a-hero narration aside...*

I was surprisingly the only person who was not for this topic initially, but for my own crusade to save the cruelly tortured animals of this world. My reason for this, besides the fact that I like to win, was that I was concerned about the fact that this would be a very dry and ‘common’ topic that every other group would be researching about. I was proven wrong again (darn...) because of the fact that this IS a communication module and bringing across ideas effectively IS exactly what should be done here, no matter how boring the topic may be. In fact, a boring topic may prove to be an adequate test of the skills attained during this course of learning.

I believe our group was sufficiently prepared for the oral presentation, and since I was the one collating the slides, I felt that I had an advantage because I knew exactly what was ‘popping’ up next. The other members were undoubtedly familiar was well, but not as familiar as the ‘creator’ would be.

I don’t know if it was obvious on that day but I WAS VERY NERVOUS. I actually thought that it would be a piece of cake for me since I was accustomed to public speaking at a young age. I believe it was the process of getting dressed so formally and the knowledge of having an absolutely astute audience that daunted me.

In my opinion, the favourable points that I brought to the presentation was that I was loud enough, I enunciated the words that were coming out of my mouth to the best of my ability and I tried really hard to maintain eye contact with everyone. I believe I did fulfil the criteria of sounding professional but enthusiastic at the same time, with tone variation and all-the-works. One thing that I felt was quite difficult was the fact that I had to be convincing. My idea of convincing basically tips like a drunken man on a one-for-one day; to the left I coerce and to the right I don’t bother at all. Nevertheless, I felt like I managed to tone down on the aggressiveness and appeal more with concrete facts that our group found.

There were, unfortunately, ‘damaging’ hits that I dealt to myself. I could feel my heart race, and as it did that, my words raced too. They were in a competition and at a point, I felt like I was having a ‘word vomit’ when all the words came out slurred. I managed to realise that and hopefully *fingers-crossed* salvaged the situation! Another hit came crashing down on me even more so after seeing that second group’s presentation for the day: the fact that our presentation was ‘professional’ and thus, relatively flat and do I dare say, BORING. I consoled myself with the fact that our presentation styles were non-comparable in the first place as ours took on a more professional feel.

The question and answer section has always been my biggest hurdle because of the fact that I cannot practice the answer over and over again. I would actually have to think in front of an audience, which is harder than it seems. The seconds that one takes to ponder over a question seems more like hours and I admit, I was too quick to answer one of the questions. My group somehow seemed to be able to add on to the answers that another member gives, which I felt was good. There were no contradictory answers and all the answers made sense in informing and convincing the audience about PALS.

Overall, I believe that we did a satisfactory job in presenting our thoughts to the specified audience and I definitely hope everyone else feels that same way!

Biodata

I am Sarah Ng Li Lin. The 2 things that hold the highest priority in my heart are my christian roots and my family which consists of my parents, an elder sister and all other relatives as well. I believe I am someone who has a strong sense of what's right and what's wrong, who will stand up for what she believes in, who has a great sense of compassion and who is determined in pursuing what she wants.

Currently, I am in my second year of studies in NUS majoring in Life Science. I hope to have double specialisations in Biomedical Sciences and Biology as I am really intrigued by the two. One reason why I chose to study Life Science, besides the fact that biology is my best subject, is that I am amazed at how intricately organisms are created; the more I immerse myself in the knowledge of science, the more I believe that there has to be a God to make all these possible. I try as much as possible to read modules that are entirely different from my major in a bid to gain an all-rounded education. My goal academic-wise is to graduate with a 2nd Upper Honours from NUS and hopefully further my study overseas.

I am currently staying in King Edward VII hall which exposes me to a more international group of people where I can learn how to communicate with them and learn about the unique flavour of each country. I can safely say that my study in NUS would never be as fulfilling if I missed the opportunity of staying in this hall.

Due to my chiefly 'science' background, I tend to participate in the more 'arts' co-curricular activities like being in dance society in secondary school to being in guitar club during junior college and more recently being involved in the set decorations department and cast in my hall, King Edward VII's play. I have held various leadership positions and my diverse activities helped hone my leadership skills, stewardship skills and more importantly, gave me a balance for my creative side and my academic side.

In the aspect of work, I have diverse experience which ranges from being in the teaching line, to being in retail and the F&B industry, and to being in the administrative line. The lessons learnt from these jobs are valuable to me as these lessons that cannot be taught in a classroom. The skills picked up in these jobs are definitely something I can bring and apply to my permanent job in the near future.

Outside of work and school, I am largely involved in my church activities, holding a leadership position in an all girl cell group called the "Fingerprints of God", mentoring younger girls to the best of my abilities. I enjoy playing the piano for which I have obtained a Grade 6 standard and I also enjoy the arts and crafts like making accessories and sewing items which I sell online in a blogshop that I own.

To sum up, I believe I am a one-of-a-kind person with a unique personality balanced with the down to earth and relatable disposition of a girl-next-door. Just like how, I like to believe, that the different areas of my life are balanced in such a way so that I can be the person God intended me to be.

older and wiser?

The all familiar phrase on birthday cards or well-wishes: "As you get older and wiser...". Is this phrase necessarily true? I am led to believe, due to a recent incident, that this phrase is over-rated.

And so the story begins...
In a recent event organised by the west wing of a certain hall, the Resident Fellows were asked to prepare a signature dish each for the supper that comes after games in the programme. All the Resident Fellows graciously agreed; however, due to the fact that Resident Fellow A's wife was out of the country, he offered to Fifi, the co-ordinator, that he would order the food instead of cooking it. Thus, Resident Fellow A and Fifi came to an agreement privately. To remind the Resident Fellows of the nearing event, Fifi decided to send out an electronic mail to all of them. In the electronic mail, she addressed Resident Fellow A separately from the rest, reminding him that he was to order the food and suggested that he used his Resident Fellow's fund to pay for it with the intention that he need not fork out his own money.

Almost immediately after sending out the electronic mail, Fifi received a harsh reply from Resident Fellow C (that he sent to all other Resident Fellows as well) saying that he was appalled by what she said in the electronic mail to Resident Fellow A. He said that she was being very rude and presumptuous to think that she could tell a Resident Fellow what to do and added on that Resident Fellows are of a higher 'social status' than 'residents like her'. There were other harsh remarks made about her and about how young people with no status are not supposed to talk to older people in such a way lest there would be consequences. Fifi felt that her intentions were misunderstood and that Resident Fellow C's assumption of what had happened was utterly warped. She also felt threatened and upset that he could send such an electronic mail to not only her, but the rest of the Resident Fellows as she felt that her reputation would be at stake (I do feel otherwise though, since Resident Fellow C's electronic mail was littered with grammatical errors and rather ridiculous theories of what is right and what is wrong). Fifi confided in her friends and found comfort in the fact that she did nothing to deserve his severe remarks.

This short story illustrates a scenario where communication goes wrong. There was a misunderstanding that sparked unnecessary unhappiness in people due to the over-assumption of one party. Besides the obvious miscommunication between the parties involved, there is another important aspect to consider; of which, brings me to my point: Does older necessarily mean wiser?

I believe that to a certain extent, getting older does mean getting wiser. With the inevitable entry of knowledge into the brain, and the experiences that one goes through each day that can only accumulate with time. However, I also hold firm that there is a threshold level for certain people. By threshold level, I mean a threshold age where people do get wiser up until a certain age. To me, anything above that threshold age would not translate as being wise anymore, but being narrow-minded. The all-knowing becomes the all-assuming, and this is exactly what happened in the story above. The fact that certain older people (older only by numbers) think that they are very much superior to younger people acts as a very eminent barrier to good communication which they claim is the infamous 'generation gap'. Of course, there are other older people who are truly wise, but this is definitely not the case for Resident Fellow C.

Without getting his facts right, he reprimanded Fifi and attempted to embarrass her in front of all the other Resident Fellows. Is this a right thing to do for a wise older person who has a 'higher social status' than 'residents like us'? Fifi was not given a chance to explain the real situation before her reputation was flushed down the drain by someone who claims that he is older, superior and wiser. Is over-assumption a characteristic of being wise? I do not think so.

Being brought up in a family with values like 'respect your elders'; I really do try to be the commendable young lady that my parents want me to be. However, when faced with people like Resident Fellow C, I really find it hard to summon that respect in me. Respect should be earned, and in this case, due to his utterly horrible communication skills, the only thing he earned is my despise.

Exchanged

Warning: This post is extremely long. You may skip the intro part if you want :)

*Intro part*

When I decided to enter NUS, it was amidst a frenzy of packing and getting ready for entry into University of Western Australia because I never thought that I could get into NUS with my results, and even if I did, I would not get the course of my desire. NUS's reply was rather late so I really thought I was Australia bound, something which I was bittersweet about. On one hand, I knew the homesickness would be a tough obstacle to get over, or maybe, it was something that's impossible to get over. However, on the other hand, I was really excited about putting myself out there, being truly independent for once, being overseas and away from home. Prior to accepting UWA's offer, I went over to Perth for a trip and viewed their university campus and found that it was a beautiful place with huge lawns that looked like meadows, aesthetically wonderful architecture as their school buildings with a few that looked like old victorian mansions. The campus was situated adjacent to Perth's famous Swan River where students can literally have a picnic, relax or study, while enjoying the magnificent view. Not so far away from the campus was King's Park, a beautiful place for exercising or just taking a stroll after a hard day's work.

As you can already tell, I fell in love instantly with the scenic country and laid-back life. However, due to financial considerations and practicality, I decided to stay in Singapore and accepted the offer to enter NUS. A part of me was disappointed beause I felt like I gave up the chance to experience the world like I could have if I had gone over. But I can tell you now, I have since made my peace and although I know I would have experienced many 'firsts' there, I did here as well when I decided to stay in KEVII.

*The real story*

It all began when I went for the KEVII hall orientation and met a group of exchange students. I was apprehensive at first about whether I should go up to the one exchange student in my orientation group, Daniel. Upon seeing that no one was really going up to him to talk, I decided that I should take the first step. DB is from Canada, a year older than me, majoring in Psychology and when asked why he chose Singapore for exchange he candidly replied that he thought this place was "AMAZING!!!!!". As time went by, we became closer, and thus, I invited him and a few other exchange students to a meal at the then open MakanSutra at the Esplanade. It was quite interesting to watch their expressions everytime they tried a new dish and we had a great time getting to know each other's country and lifestyle.

I had the most fulfilling time talking to them and sharing to them about Singapore because they took in every word I said with such attention. Every night seemed like a new adventure for me as I went out with them, introducing them to Singapore, while they introduced me to the more 'adult' world of pubbing and clubbing. I felt like I was growing up and being independent in a sense, with the late nights and discovery of a side of Singapore I've never seen. However, there came a point in time where I knew the partying was getting too rowdy and I couldn't agree with some of the things they did, like being physically too close and I wasn't the only one who felt that way. I also knew I needed to focus on my studies and give up on the partying life. This was where our friendship began to drift apart.

There were nights when DB would come over to ask me if I wanted to go out with them but I would decline saying that I needed to study. I still tried to go out with them once in a while but not as often as I used to and this change seemed like it was too big for DB to handle. The first few times, he would just say something like:" Awww... Come on..." and when I persisted, he would just shrug his shoulders and say he'll ask me another time. However, subsequently, his reactions were not so forgiving. I understood that they were exchange students and did not need the grades as much as I do, and I tried explaining that to him but he wound up saying that I was being anti-social. I was offended naturally, and told him about the fact that I wasn't comfortable with some of his friends' behaviours. He didn't seem surprised and promised that he'd talk to them about it and left with a seemingly defeated spirit. I felt bad about lashing out at him but I felt like I needed to get my priorities right and work towards that. After that incident, DB still came over occasionally for a short chat but as for asking me out, he'd just casually mention it, and to my perspective, without much hope of me actually going.

Now that I think about it, there was definitely a cultural conflict going on especially about the boundary of physical closeness between friends. Being Asian, it is more common than not that being of a certain physical intimacy between sexes, like hugging, would mean that the 2 people were an item. But to DB and his friends, it was merely being friendly. Even a peck on the cheek didn't seem like something that was overboard to them. Being one of the fewer Asians to be in their group, I naturally stuck out like a sore thumb when I didn't participate in this physical closeness and I guess that played a part in me not wanting to join them so much as well.

But all's well and ends well in the sense that we maintained a considerably close friendship despite what happened. It was quite sad that the exchange students had to leave eventually but I was glad that I experienced their stay here with them, telling them about Singapore and learning about their different countries as well. The friendship with them is one that I'll definitely keep close to my heart.

A Letter Critique

This is an email that I've chosen to critique (please take note that this is the exact format in which the email was sent):

Date: Mon, 17 Nov 2008 10:08 PM

From: zzz@hotmail.com

To: snll88@hotmail.com; www@hotmail.com; xxx@hotmail.com; yyy@hotmail.com

Subject: back of YF camp shirt draft

sorry, upon closer look i think that the initial design is fine. sorry for all the trouble.as of today, the sizes in are

XXL1,XL2,L6,M15,S14,XS1

ZZZ

Before I begin, I'd like to explain the context of the email. This email was sent by zzz (the camp commandant) to www (the camp shirt designer), xxx (the camp mentor), yyy (another camp mentor) and I ( the assistant camp commandant). This is one of the many emails he has sent that clearly violate the 7Cs of writing and the 'rules' of business correspondance. Clearly, my displeasure towards him is quite evident because of the drafting and re-drafting of the camp shirt design he made us carry out, only to send us the very email above, choosing the first design we ever gave. In addition, he takes ages to reply to an email. I believe a very formal email of apology is due, but what I see above is definitely not it.

First and foremost, his language and format to begin with is mostly wrong. With no capital letters, incorrect or missing punctuations, no address and salutation and no table to organise the 'data' he provided.

The first 'C' of the 7Cs of writing is COURTESY, which is obviously missing in this email. The email does not require the employment of titles since it is a rather informal one, still, I believe a "Dear so-and-so" listing all concerned parties would be the right way to address this email, or even a "Dear all" would have sufficed. Without a salutation, the email seems incomplete, rushed and insincere, though there are many other things to imply the above.

Under Correctness, there is a lack of sentence structure, proper punctuation, capital letters and organisation of data. If there were complete sentences (including the correct punctuation and capital letters), I believe this email would have been accepted as an apology because it would seem he actually thought through and processed his apology.

Conciseness, the third 'C', would be a job well done in this email. He was very concise in what he wanted to say, but it seems like he was a little TOO concise. An explanation accompanying the apology would have been appropriate since there was much effort wasted by the concerned parties.

ZZZ did not really have a problem with clarity as well since he was clear with what he wanted to tell us. However there are improvements that could be made especially with the data provided so that it would be easier for the email recipients to process.

Coherence is not a problem here since there isn't much ideas to begin with to link. There is, however, a lack of cohesion. There is no use of connectors to link the sentences. It would seem like the use of connectors would be redundant in the original email because of the length of it, but I believe with proper improvements, the usage of connectors could do wonders for this email.

Concreteness is a job well done in this email since there is no need for evidence to support a certain idea.

Completeness is definitely not in this email as all components (format and language) of the email lack this very 'C'.

Overall, I would not accept his apology in this email because it lacks earnesty shown in the slipshod way which it is written. What i would suggest to ZZZ is to find a way to get enrolled in NUS and take ES2007S as his core module. :)

An Interpersonal Conflict

Conflict, to me, is an inevitable aspect of communication, or the lack thereof. It may not happen all the time, but it is lurking like a shadow, waiting to pounce at any opportunity. In a more animated (and delicious) illustration, conflict comes with life like pig liver comes in "bar chor mee", like fish cake comes in fishball noodles, like sambal chilli comes with fried hokkien prawn noodles, or ... ... (to prevent a conflict with my greedy self and my new year resolution of losing weight, I'd better stop here). Anyways, my point is, it is not the main ingredient, but it comes as a side dish, that can be refused, taken with grace or be spat out of the mouth like it was poison.

Being the person that I am, frank and according to my friends: fierce and very "in-your-face" ( I AM SO NOT ALL THAT), conflict is all the more unavoidable for me. As much as I try to take it in my stride, some things just do not want to settle itself down gracefully. Here is one example of an interpersonal conflict:

Bella and James are really good friends hanging out for almost a year now and she treats him like the older brother she never had. James has a girlfriend whom he has been with for over 5 years and Bella was a single girl. At an event, Bella met Edward and they quickly developed a rapport. She started to invite Edward to join her group of friends for activities, James included. Slowly but surely, Bella and Edward started to develop feelings for each other, but they were careful not to exclude their friends at activities. Bella could tell that James did not have a good impression of Edward and his distaste for Edward started to show. James also started to behave oddly around Bella, as if he was jealous. One day, James sent an email to Bella, in it were harsh remarks about Bella's character and the people she chose to trust, namely Edward. He judged the both of them severely and his anger did not seem like it was going to be appeased. Bella was confused and decided that she should try and explain things to James. However, she felt like James was treating her as if he was interested in her and that is not right because of the fact that he already had a girlfriend. After a few days, James cooled down and wanted to forget about the whole thing but his attitude towards Edward did not change. Whenever Edward joins the group, James would isolate himself to a corner or just leave. Bella feels stuck in the middle. On one hand, she does not want to lose the friendship, on the other, she is starting to feel a little freaked out from James' behaviour and she sincerely likes Edward.

WHAT SHOULD SHE DO?

p.s. its up to you to decide if this is fictional or not ;)

The Importance of Effective Communication Skills to Me

I believe there are many reasons as to why effective communication is important to a person. After all, no man is an island, and we need to communicate with each other to survive. Life is all about relationships with each other, isn't it? Be it a relationship between the boss and the employee, the mother and the child, the husband and the wife, one needs effective communication to keep the relationship working.

Well, the obvious reason as to why I need to have effective communication is to get things done, in school, at work (after all, the textbook did say in the workplace, which to me, places a very academic/career-wise connotation on it), at home or anywhere! I have, like many, experienced the frustrations of not being able to get my point across. Sometimes, it's like people have this blockage that prevents them from understanding me. But as I grow older and wiser (hopefully), I realised that it really takes two to clap. Understanding can only come with adequate explanation. I've always wondered why it is said you MAKE someone understand and now I know why. It is my responsibility to ensure that someone understands me; I have to put in the effort to MAKE that someone understands me. This "understanding" can only come with effective communication skills.

Just a passing thought as I ponder on this topic: I wonder, now, whether it is because of the rising of technology that has placed us on this path of dwindling communication skills. Aren't text messages, electronic mails, tagboards and even network sites supposed to make us communicate better? But it seems, as time passes, the problem of miscommunication gets bigger. Be it due to generation gap, mind sets or various other reasons, it cannot be denied that our generation has become one that seriously lack interpersonal skills which I believe is a great, if not, synonymous component of effective communication.

Back to why effective communication skills are important to me: Besides the obvious reason of getting things done, the more subtle reasons can come in outside of the work context. For example, when offering comfort to someone. I really get stuck sometimes when a friend or loved one is in need of some form of relief. My mind starts bombarding itself with panic and how stupid I am being because I can offer no words of comfort. Another example comes with squabbles with my elder sister which mostly always ends with us asking each other to shut up. I really don't care if people that don't matter to me misunderstand me, but somehow, strangers seem to understand me more than the people I love. The heart-wrenching feeling I get when that happens compels me to really learn how to effectively communicate with them. Though it may seem a little heavy to say it now, but I certainly don't want to live a life of regret.

Another important factor in my life that DEFINITELY needs effective communication is in the aspect of my 'religion' (the reason for ' ... ' is because I really don't consider it a religion and more of a relationship). I am a Christian. I am called to spread the Gospel, the truth. But sometimes, my mouth stays closed. Of course, I find it easy to just ask if they would like to visit my church, but anything deeper about the bible or discussions or arguments of certain things pertaining to my beliefs as a Christian, I find myself searching for the correct words to say. More often than not, unfortunately, I find myself offending someone or just not being able to see through another's eyes and speak to them about what concerns them most.

So, why are effective communication skills important to me? Because I know the only way I can get the most out of this short stay of mine on earth, is to ensure that the people I love get the most out of me and this can only happen if I can, well, cheesily-putting-it, communicate effectively.

Their Lonely Betters

-->As I listened from a beach-chair in the shade To all the noises that my garden made,
It seemed to me only proper that words
Should be withheld from vegetables and birds.

A robin with no Christian name ran through
The Robin-Anthem which was all it knew,
And rustling flowers for some third party waited
To say which pairs, if any, should get mated.

Not one of them was capable of lying,
There was not one which knew that it was dying
Or could have with a rhythm or a rhyme
Assumed responsibility for time.

Let them leave language to their lonely betters
Who count some days and long for certain letters;
We, too, make noises when we laugh or weep:
Words are for those with promises to keep.

This poem is about the uniqueness of the ability of man to communicate using the human language, how it is something that is distinguished from other creatures by superiority, although this entity too, has its pros and cons. The poet knows that with this higher form of communication, comes the burden of responsibility. The poetic persona portrayed by a man sitting in a chair on a porch staring out into his garden oozes of loneliness as compared to the creatures of the garden, and thus comes about the title of the poem, "Their Lonely Betters."