Conflict, to me, is an inevitable aspect of communication, or the lack thereof. It may not happen all the time, but it is lurking like a shadow, waiting to pounce at any opportunity. In a more animated (and delicious) illustration, conflict comes with life like pig liver comes in "bar chor mee", like fish cake comes in fishball noodles, like sambal chilli comes with fried hokkien prawn noodles, or ... ... (to prevent a conflict with my greedy self and my new year resolution of losing weight, I'd better stop here). Anyways, my point is, it is not the main ingredient, but it comes as a side dish, that can be refused, taken with grace or be spat out of the mouth like it was poison.
Being the person that I am, frank and according to my friends: fierce and very "in-your-face" ( I AM SO NOT ALL THAT), conflict is all the more unavoidable for me. As much as I try to take it in my stride, some things just do not want to settle itself down gracefully. Here is one example of an interpersonal conflict:
Bella and James are really good friends hanging out for almost a year now and she treats him like the older brother she never had. James has a girlfriend whom he has been with for over 5 years and Bella was a single girl. At an event, Bella met Edward and they quickly developed a rapport. She started to invite Edward to join her group of friends for activities, James included. Slowly but surely, Bella and Edward started to develop feelings for each other, but they were careful not to exclude their friends at activities. Bella could tell that James did not have a good impression of Edward and his distaste for Edward started to show. James also started to behave oddly around Bella, as if he was jealous. One day, James sent an email to Bella, in it were harsh remarks about Bella's character and the people she chose to trust, namely Edward. He judged the both of them severely and his anger did not seem like it was going to be appeased. Bella was confused and decided that she should try and explain things to James. However, she felt like James was treating her as if he was interested in her and that is not right because of the fact that he already had a girlfriend. After a few days, James cooled down and wanted to forget about the whole thing but his attitude towards Edward did not change. Whenever Edward joins the group, James would isolate himself to a corner or just leave. Bella feels stuck in the middle. On one hand, she does not want to lose the friendship, on the other, she is starting to feel a little freaked out from James' behaviour and she sincerely likes Edward.
WHAT SHOULD SHE DO?
p.s. its up to you to decide if this is fictional or not ;)
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ReplyDeleteSo is this a non-fiction or fiction? I am actually quite curious after reading this post. Haha. Anyway, from a guy's point of view, I think that James is obviously quite jealous about Bella's budding relationship with Edward. Maybe James is quite used to the fact that both him and Bella have a great relationship together and the appearance of Edward threatens to change that status quo. One thing I would like to know is how does Edward feels regarding the whole scenario? Does he know that James doesn't like him? Well, the one thing she must not do is to avoid James as this will seriously affect their already strained relationship. Bella should have a serious talk with James regarding this issue. She should let him know her feelings for Edward and hope that James can respect her decision in this matter. She should also let James know that she really wants all three of them to get along well and James should change his attitude as it is making her feel conflicted. Besides that, she should also find out James' motivation for disliking Edward and sending that email to her. Maybe by understanding James' emotions, she would be able to solve the root of the problem. My guess is if James really cares for Bella like her older brother, he should manage his emotions better for her sake and stop causing her to be in this situation.
ReplyDelete-ws-
Hello sarah,
ReplyDeletethis sounds cheesy but I kind of like your post, regardless whether it is a non-fiction or fiction. But I do believe situation like this does happen in real life, so I'm going give a shot at trying to analysis it!
To keep it short, James feels almost too overprotective of Bella, I guess it is because both of them have been really great friends for so long. So he couldn't understand, or rather accept the fact taht another guy can take over his position in Bella's heart in a blink of an eye. This can be a good thing or a bad one, because if it was out of pure friendship and sort of "brotherly and sisterly" attachment it wouldnt be much of an issue. However here comes the complicated part; if James is behaving this way because he had developed feelings that are more then "just friends" for Bella inspite already having a girlfriend, they need a good talk.
Issues like this can be rather sensitive, so I think it would only be apporiate for only those involved to talk it out among each other, so there will be a conclusion at the end of the day. Dragging it on and avoiding teh issue altogether will do neither party any good as well.
shihui=)
Hi shihui,
ReplyDeleteyeah I agree issues like these are really sensitive. Hence Bella really has much apprehension to really step out and do something about it. But avoiding the issue is definitely not something Bella wants to do either. So its do or die for her I guess!
Hey WeeSiong,
Edward has been really supportive of Bella, and he goes out of his way to make things not awkward between the group of friends. He tries talking to James alot, but to no avail. So I guess all Edward can do is to keep trying!
Hi Sarah,
ReplyDeleteBefore I suggest a solution to the above problem, I would like to share with you my opinion. I believe that it is difficult for a guy and a girl to remain as best friends especially when both of them are in their teenage years. Sooner or later, one of them will start to have feelings for the other unintentionally.
In the above case, I think that Bella should clarify things with James. She should inform James about her sincere feelings towards Edward. Maybe during the chat, James would explain why he was behaving in such a manner when Edward was around.
Thanks, Sarah, for this clearly articulated and compelling post. I really like the preamble at the start (good luck for your New Year's resolution!), and I can appreciate the conflict scenario, one that cries out like a certain love triangle in a recent hit book series and movie!
ReplyDeleteYou've generated good feedback here. Little do they know....?
Hey Sarah Bella!
ReplyDeleteIf I were Bella, I would ask James, "Do you like me? If not, why are you acting in such a possessive manner?" Okay I'm kidding. Haha.
Sorry for such an informal comment (this is not one of my three "official" comments) but I just wanted to ask... Are you Bella and is Moses the Edward in the story? Hehe.
Nonetheless, I thought our classmates gave very good suggestions as to what Bella could do so maybe she can try it out! (:
Loves!
Wan Yu